Stop climbing my Patience Tree!

Lets be real here folks. Parenting is hard. It would be so much easier to just give in to the request for extra ice cream, a movie past bedtime, only sweet potato fries for dinner, and so on. If I could just sit back and let my 3yo barracuda run the house (and the world) and know that she would just inately know how do this all in a diplomatic, sensitive, creative and respectful way, I would. Unfortunately she doesn't yet understand that if you don't eat dinner, you don't get dessert, and if you don't listen and follow instructions, you don't get to just cry and have your way anyway. There are moments where the Barracuda's listening ears are on (and times I wish they weren't when they are!) and I appreciate these milestones more than my morning coffee. I know she is getting it. I know it is a slow process. And she is only 3. All of this I know. But since we are being real, at the end of a long weekend, when everyone is tired, there is still dinner to be made, baths to be had, clothes to be laid out, lunches to be made, dogs to be fed and laundry to be put away -- my "patience tree" has a short trunk. And the next person to try and scramble up that trunk and swing from my branches is going to hear about it. I take time outs. I take long HOT showers. I enjoy a barracuda snuggle while indulging in Coraline or Rio. I remind myself that we are both learning. Me how to parent, and her how to do most everything. =)

It all balances out. Somedays are heavier on the reminders to "chew with your mouth closed please", "don't throw rocks in the pond please", or "crayons are for paper not the table" ... and somedays are laden with imaginary friends, worm hunts, hopscotch, gardening and hiding kisses in our pockets.

What it all boils down to is that learning is hard. Parenting is hard. Being a kid is hard. Understanding why things are the way they are, and explaining why, is hard. But as each day goes by, and some hurdles are leapt over, and others are crashed into -- lessons are learned. On both ends. And each morning we get up and start again. With a hug and a snuggle and likely a barracuda swinging from a tree limb.

Look at how big my barracuda is!!!! AUGH! I am incredibly overdue for an update -- there is so much.

1) the Barracuda went to the dentist for the first time

2) she now has a pet rat

3) she is in a preschool that is run by a yogic nun

4) we are in a new house

5) her Dad and I are friends but are no longer married

6) she has never had a hair cut

7) she loves the garden and asked this morning about affids and ladybugs

8) when we rode rides at the fair she said she "just wants to go fast mama!"...yikes!

9) she sings all the time

10) rocks are cooler than sticks, but both are better than anything else to play with

11) Coraline. on repeat....

12) she is turning 4 in 4 months

13) she knows when her birthday is and has requested a pinata

14) she likes crab meat, kashi cereal, quinoa, and most vegetables

15) her curiosity gets her in trouble sometimes

16) we still rock in the rocker in the morning to wake up and she is, for those moments, still my baby barracuda

17) single parenting is hard. respect and admiration to those who don't lose their minds

18) she met a troll in Seattle

19) hopscotch is also "runscotch" & "skipscotch"

20) she is still the best thing I have ever done

So when did I stop writing? Somewhere in between working full time, parenting full time and trying to breathe on a regular basis, I think. Summer has come and gone, Lucia turned TWO at the beginning of this month, and Tommy is nearing the finish line for school. For me? I am nearing the finish line of my sanity. Seriously. The only thing these days that moves me forward is my 1 hour, almost every day, at the gym, doing something for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my time at home with Lucia, playing in her kitchen, flipping eggs, reading about Pigeons and Hot Dogs...but some days, some days, what I wouldn't give for a moment of quiet space where there was nothing for me to do. No laundry, no dishes. No lunches to be made, food to be bought, school to be driven to. No work to stay late at, phones to answer, places to go. That is what I get at the gym. I hate running. But I do it. Headphones on, crappy TV or music in my ear, I run. Like Charae, I run away from things and to things at the same time. I run to figure out where I am going and how I am getting there. I run when I am mad, scared, tired, or sad. I run faster when I am happy. Odd. I also have been spending time with a trainer at the gym, a friend really, Brian. Yes, yes, I know -- how much does that cost?! It is worth it you effers and the only thing I spend money on these days that isn't related to anyone else. So there. I love it. I get really anxious, mad, sad and scared when I think that I can't afford it and might have to stop. It is an odd, very visceral reaction. Not what I expected, but there all the same. The time is comforting in its routine, painful in its process, and rewarding in the improvement of my mental, physical and emotional health.

This month has been my first foray into single parenting as Tommy's schedule doesn't really allow for....well....that is another story, but basically we (I) blame his schedule for the way things are. And if it doesn't change when his schedule does...well...something will. I mean really, something has got to give.

Anyway -- my little Barracuda is not so little anymore and has more words than I know what to do with. She sleeps in a big girl bed, crawls in on my side to cuddle every morning, eats bananas like they will someday be extinct, and sings each hour of every day, in varying tune and tone. She is the best thing I have ever done and the one thing I will never regret. The rest of it remains to be seen...

Planning

So it feels like with a kiddo you are always planning. Planning for the next day, the next meal, the next nap, the next diaper, etc. I can't do anything these days that is not planned. I get seriously thrown off the mojo if I try to just fly by the seat of my pants or figure it out as I go along. I feel like in all this planning I am still forgetting to, or missing, making plans. Missing birthdays of friends, missing opportunities to do something cool with Lucia, missing the chance to write something down and make something of it. Shoot. Planning does not equate with missing things. If you plan things, you should be on top of them. Right? Or maybe there is just too much going on all the time. Who knows.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. It is now 10:30pm on Tuesday and I only got home hours ago -- but I was out for cocktails with old friends and OH MYGOD was it lovely. I digress. Tomorrow is Wednesday. My mother in law is coming over to watch the Barracuda tomorrow so the house should be at least presentable (which it is not), there should be lunch and snack easily accessible for Lucia (which there kind of are), and I should be in bed...not up drinking wine and watching tv while writing here. There are toys scattered about the living room and the entire upstairs, no clean diaper wraps, and her clothes are still in the basket after being folded last Wednesday.

Plans? I make them all the time. And when things "go as planned" -- wow am I happy. Meanwhile, I am running around at 10:30pm, full of red wine, trying to pick up, make food, and plan for tomorrow.

So there she is folks, my little girl. (and my messy house in the background.) What has happened since December? A TON! Here is the quick version, and maybe you'll get more later:

-The barracuda has teeth. Molars, front teeth, I-teeth...all the better to bite you with. Seriously. Sometimes she bites and it really hurts. Oooooo Barracuda!

-Her sassy face has become very well developed. She can pout with the best of them.

-Food is a challenge again and right now we are on a meatloaf, meatball, and cheese diet. Occasionally we can get an egg or some crackers into her. And oatmeal. Thank goodness I have an Italian mother in law who makes some tasty meatballs and my Mom who is experimenting successfully. This girl can eat when she decides she likes something.

-Maggie (our dog) has a much more varied diet now since she eats everything Lucia throws overboard. Good dog.

-Lucia's favorite place to spend time is outside. She washes her hands in the dirt while gleefully exclaiming "duuuuurt!"

-She continues to be happy at her little school, as are we that she is there. She does poach food from other kids though...sneaky girl.

-Oh! And we discovered the Children's Museum. Thanks to my folks for our membership at Christmas the girl can't get enough. Daniell took her on a Thursday once and was rewarded with a 3 hour nap! Shweet!

-Barracuda throw up is bad. So is a Barracuda with an ear infection. We had both last month.

All in all everything is going pretty great. I miss her a ton when I am at work and get pretty pissed off hearing all these stories about how shitty people are to their kids. It just makes me want to wake her up when I get home and cuddle. Or sleep in her room on the floor to make sure she is okay. Tommy has 9 more months of school and then the hope is he can work full time and I can go to half time. And maybe back to school...

14 months

When did my little girl get so big? 14 months old and demanding as hell these days. Everything is "no ma" (thats right, she calls me "ma", not mama or mom or mommy. just "ma".) or she grabs hold of whatever is closest and points to what she wants saying, "that". she walks, really runs, everywhere. climbs the stairs, dances to music. she is exhausting and fabulous all in this little tiny package.

Lucia started going to "daycare" two days a week in early November and it is going so great. We (and she) couldn't be happier. No TV, all organic, wooden toys and cloth diapers. She runs around there in a tu-tu made of multi-color silks. (She is getting one for Christmas to have at home.)

Okay -- I started this in December...it is now the end of February. Am I getting worse at this? Is that possible?! I will publish this...then start a new one for this month -- that might be long and expound on all that has happened since December, or might be short, and wimpy. Like this one was. Read on to find out....

So Luci had her first ear infection. Ugh. Ear infections suck for the following reasons:

1) you can't do anything for them, just sit there and try to be comforting while she tugs her ear off.
2) you have to give her that bubble gum flavored anti-biotic that brings back traumatic childhood memories of your own ear infections
3) you lose sleep.
4) you lose sleep.
5) you go somewhat insane because of all the lost sleep.
6) the lines at pharmacy counters these days are way too long
7) at the doctor's office, you have to sit in the "sick kid" waiting area that has all the lamest toys (like sick kids don't want to play with the cool stuff? i think that just makes it worse. hey kid, sorry you feel like crap. here are some shitty toys you won't be distracted by.)
8) you lose sleep
9) nothing gets done at your house
10) you still have to get up early, no "sorry I am sick and sleeping in" benefits like when you are the sick person.

Oh -- and a big bonus...the anti-biotics give babies diarrhea. sweet.