So when did I stop writing? Somewhere in between working full time, parenting full time and trying to breathe on a regular basis, I think. Summer has come and gone, Lucia turned TWO at the beginning of this month, and Tommy is nearing the finish line for school. For me? I am nearing the finish line of my sanity. Seriously. The only thing these days that moves me forward is my 1 hour, almost every day, at the gym, doing something for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my time at home with Lucia, playing in her kitchen, flipping eggs, reading about Pigeons and Hot Dogs...but some days, some days, what I wouldn't give for a moment of quiet space where there was nothing for me to do. No laundry, no dishes. No lunches to be made, food to be bought, school to be driven to. No work to stay late at, phones to answer, places to go. That is what I get at the gym. I hate running. But I do it. Headphones on, crappy TV or music in my ear, I run. Like Charae, I run away from things and to things at the same time. I run to figure out where I am going and how I am getting there. I run when I am mad, scared, tired, or sad. I run faster when I am happy. Odd. I also have been spending time with a trainer at the gym, a friend really, Brian. Yes, yes, I know -- how much does that cost?! It is worth it you effers and the only thing I spend money on these days that isn't related to anyone else. So there. I love it. I get really anxious, mad, sad and scared when I think that I can't afford it and might have to stop. It is an odd, very visceral reaction. Not what I expected, but there all the same. The time is comforting in its routine, painful in its process, and rewarding in the improvement of my mental, physical and emotional health.

This month has been my first foray into single parenting as Tommy's schedule doesn't really allow for....well....that is another story, but basically we (I) blame his schedule for the way things are. And if it doesn't change when his schedule does...well...something will. I mean really, something has got to give.

Anyway -- my little Barracuda is not so little anymore and has more words than I know what to do with. She sleeps in a big girl bed, crawls in on my side to cuddle every morning, eats bananas like they will someday be extinct, and sings each hour of every day, in varying tune and tone. She is the best thing I have ever done and the one thing I will never regret. The rest of it remains to be seen...

Planning

So it feels like with a kiddo you are always planning. Planning for the next day, the next meal, the next nap, the next diaper, etc. I can't do anything these days that is not planned. I get seriously thrown off the mojo if I try to just fly by the seat of my pants or figure it out as I go along. I feel like in all this planning I am still forgetting to, or missing, making plans. Missing birthdays of friends, missing opportunities to do something cool with Lucia, missing the chance to write something down and make something of it. Shoot. Planning does not equate with missing things. If you plan things, you should be on top of them. Right? Or maybe there is just too much going on all the time. Who knows.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. It is now 10:30pm on Tuesday and I only got home hours ago -- but I was out for cocktails with old friends and OH MYGOD was it lovely. I digress. Tomorrow is Wednesday. My mother in law is coming over to watch the Barracuda tomorrow so the house should be at least presentable (which it is not), there should be lunch and snack easily accessible for Lucia (which there kind of are), and I should be in bed...not up drinking wine and watching tv while writing here. There are toys scattered about the living room and the entire upstairs, no clean diaper wraps, and her clothes are still in the basket after being folded last Wednesday.

Plans? I make them all the time. And when things "go as planned" -- wow am I happy. Meanwhile, I am running around at 10:30pm, full of red wine, trying to pick up, make food, and plan for tomorrow.

So there she is folks, my little girl. (and my messy house in the background.) What has happened since December? A TON! Here is the quick version, and maybe you'll get more later:

-The barracuda has teeth. Molars, front teeth, I-teeth...all the better to bite you with. Seriously. Sometimes she bites and it really hurts. Oooooo Barracuda!

-Her sassy face has become very well developed. She can pout with the best of them.

-Food is a challenge again and right now we are on a meatloaf, meatball, and cheese diet. Occasionally we can get an egg or some crackers into her. And oatmeal. Thank goodness I have an Italian mother in law who makes some tasty meatballs and my Mom who is experimenting successfully. This girl can eat when she decides she likes something.

-Maggie (our dog) has a much more varied diet now since she eats everything Lucia throws overboard. Good dog.

-Lucia's favorite place to spend time is outside. She washes her hands in the dirt while gleefully exclaiming "duuuuurt!"

-She continues to be happy at her little school, as are we that she is there. She does poach food from other kids though...sneaky girl.

-Oh! And we discovered the Children's Museum. Thanks to my folks for our membership at Christmas the girl can't get enough. Daniell took her on a Thursday once and was rewarded with a 3 hour nap! Shweet!

-Barracuda throw up is bad. So is a Barracuda with an ear infection. We had both last month.

All in all everything is going pretty great. I miss her a ton when I am at work and get pretty pissed off hearing all these stories about how shitty people are to their kids. It just makes me want to wake her up when I get home and cuddle. Or sleep in her room on the floor to make sure she is okay. Tommy has 9 more months of school and then the hope is he can work full time and I can go to half time. And maybe back to school...