So when did I stop writing? Somewhere in between working full time, parenting full time and trying to breathe on a regular basis, I think. Summer has come and gone, Lucia turned TWO at the beginning of this month, and Tommy is nearing the finish line for school. For me? I am nearing the finish line of my sanity. Seriously. The only thing these days that moves me forward is my 1 hour, almost every day, at the gym, doing something for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my time at home with Lucia, playing in her kitchen, flipping eggs, reading about Pigeons and Hot Dogs...but some days, some days, what I wouldn't give for a moment of quiet space where there was nothing for me to do. No laundry, no dishes. No lunches to be made, food to be bought, school to be driven to. No work to stay late at, phones to answer, places to go. That is what I get at the gym. I hate running. But I do it. Headphones on, crappy TV or music in my ear, I run. Like Charae, I run away from things and to things at the same time. I run to figure out where I am going and how I am getting there. I run when I am mad, scared, tired, or sad. I run faster when I am happy. Odd. I also have been spending time with a trainer at the gym, a friend really, Brian. Yes, yes, I know -- how much does that cost?! It is worth it you effers and the only thing I spend money on these days that isn't related to anyone else. So there. I love it. I get really anxious, mad, sad and scared when I think that I can't afford it and might have to stop. It is an odd, very visceral reaction. Not what I expected, but there all the same. The time is comforting in its routine, painful in its process, and rewarding in the improvement of my mental, physical and emotional health.

This month has been my first foray into single parenting as Tommy's schedule doesn't really allow for....well....that is another story, but basically we (I) blame his schedule for the way things are. And if it doesn't change when his schedule does...well...something will. I mean really, something has got to give.

Anyway -- my little Barracuda is not so little anymore and has more words than I know what to do with. She sleeps in a big girl bed, crawls in on my side to cuddle every morning, eats bananas like they will someday be extinct, and sings each hour of every day, in varying tune and tone. She is the best thing I have ever done and the one thing I will never regret. The rest of it remains to be seen...