Control Freak

New Mom's are control freaks. At least this new Mom is a control freak. After 9 months of being in charge of Lucia's well being, and then 3 more months of providing for her 24 hour care, it is next to impossible for me not to try and continue to control everything that is happening with her.

I am back at work now, 40 hours a week crammed into 4 days. One of the lucky ones, Lucia is being cared for by my parents, her Dad and his parents. All very competent and lovely people who are so totally capable of taking care of her it should make me sigh with relief and sleep better at night. But I don't. And it doesn't. Instead I get up extra early to make bottles, pack diaper bags and lay out clothes. I have to give myself a limit of how many times I am allowed to call during the day to check in. (Yesterday it was 5. Today it was 6.) Last night, out of what I believe to be my subconscious guilt for leaving, I had a dream about losing Lucia in the bed. I acutally woke Tommy up asking where the baby was. Once assured that she was in her cradle I fell back into a restless sleep.

I cannot control everything. This is my new mantra. Breathe in, breathe out. She will be okay if her cloth diaper is not folded exactly how I would fold it. It will still soak up the pee.